nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
