I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
