3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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