I met the friendliest cop last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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