Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
