Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
