you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
