I don't think brook has ever known best
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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