just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
