dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
