I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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