You work out of a Hotel?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
