Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
