i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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