yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
