i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
