"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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