I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I still have a little drunk in my system
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
