Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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