bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
