you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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