There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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