where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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