the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
