he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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