Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
