38 yer olds are good kisserssss
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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