discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
