Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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