operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
