she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
