Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
