If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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