i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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