I need help removing her.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
