can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
