If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
