I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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