My hand turned me down
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
