i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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