yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
