What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
