I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
