I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize