I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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