I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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