She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
