hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
