just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
