I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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