Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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