this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
