wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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