I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize