I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
