Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
