i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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