don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
