so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
