My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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