Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
