so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
