Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
