he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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