guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
