Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
