One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
