Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
