last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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