My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
