Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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