Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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