he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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