we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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