I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
