I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
