if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
