Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
