Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The air taste purple.
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