i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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