I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ugly people sure do ruin things
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
