I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
