My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I currently don't understand fingers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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