i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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